Not in Kansas Anymore
by SweetyKinz
Summary: Halloween: a wondrous holiday where children and teenagers dress up to throw everything learned about safety out the window, simply to enjoy candy from strangers. A typical Halloween for the Bat-brothers is inevitably filled with the chaos of gunshots, drug lords, car chases, and the most important thing of all: matching, embarrassing costumes. There's no place like home.(Two-shot)


"Get your ass out here, Jaybird!" Dick sung with a bright, amused grin dancing across his face. He looked practically giddy, his hands wringing together like an evil genius conducting a master plan. The response that he received made his deep blue eyes gleam devilishly, his amused grin turning into a smirk.

"I am not wearing this, you freaking dick!" Jason spat out several curses, his voice slightly muffled from inside the bathroom. There was loud thud, followed by another long string of curses that had Dick cackling with mirth.

"I'm not sorry at all to tell you this! You really don't have a choice!" Dick yelled at him, tapping his knuckles on the large oak door impatiently. "That's what happens when you lose a bet, you idiot!"

"I'm going to fucking poison your candy," Jason hissed, his hand slowly grasping the cool metal knob. It turned at the rate of a snail, and Dick found his impatience growing. He grabbed the knob on his own end, throwing the door open without warning and causing his younger brother to stumble backwards as the door almost hit him in the face. Jason's face was murderous, and he as walked out of the brightly lit bathroom, he greeted Dick by flipping him off.

"Now that's not very lady like, is it?" Dick gasped, his hand flying to cover his mouth in an attempt to stifle his giggles. It didn't work out very well, and the older boy found himself collapsed on the floor, curled into a small ball as bouts of hysterical laughter escaped his lips. "Oh- Oh god, it- it hurts! I- I can't-! I can't breathe!" His face turned a blotchy red under his mask, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Standing over Dick, sporting a glare that could murder babies, was Jason Todd, arms crossed over his chest in an attempt to reign in both his dignity and masculinity, the latter having flown out the window as soon as he put on his attire. Jason was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, dressed in a plaid, light-blue dress that went down to his knees. Underneath his dress was a white blouse that covered his chest up, puffing out at the sleeves. He was wearing a brown wig tied up in pigtails, coming to a stop at his shoulders. Covering his feet were bright red, sparkly heels, and it took everything in Jason's power not to stomp the sharp heel down on Dick's gut.

The older male was dressed as the Scarecrow from the same movie. He had a burlap sack put over his head, holes cut into it so that he could see and breath. He was wearing a satin green shirt that was tied at the bottom with rope, dark brown pants, and boots that had pieces of hay covering the cuffs. Different parts of his costume had tufts of hay sticking out, pieces of it scattering on the floor due to Dick's laughing fit.

Dick calmed eventually and he stood up, wiping the tears away through the holes in front of his eyes. He gasped in breath, leaning against Jason shoulder for support. Jason's blue eyes were dark with irritation, and he punched his older brother in the chest, pushing him away from him.

"You look absolutely wonderful, Jay!" Dick declared, tugging at one of Jason's pigtails.

"Shove off, Grayson," Jason growled, turning around to hide his burning cheeks and walking away from the giddy Scarecrow.

"Aw, don't be like that! You have to love your family, Jason! There's no place like home!"

"Fuck. You."

The response to his curse was in the form of an echoing cackle, which followed Jason retreating form down the hallway.

* * *

Damian's light blue eyes stared at his own reflection in the mirror, and he was pouting slightly (although, he would never admit to it). His face was painted bright orange, small, dark orange freckles dotting his cheeks. Covering his head and framing his child-like face was a giant, fluffy lion's mane, spreading out wildly in multiple directions. Adorning a baggy, orange jumpsuit over his boxers and tank top, it took all of Damian's self-control not to tear it off of him.

"Drake, I refuse to be seen like this," he announced with a scowl, directing his comment at the young, raven-haired male leaning against the doorway.

"Yea, Damian, and I really want to go out trick-or-treating with this on, when I can be at home, working on something that's actually important," Tim said sarcastically before huffing, his nose wrinkling in distaste at his own costume.

Damian gave Tim a once over, observing his gray-painted face, clunky, armor-like outfit and bulky, steel painted boots, and reluctantly came to the conclusion that the teenager did indeed have it worse off. But if it was Damian that had been forced into being the Tin Man, Damian concluded that he would be able to pull it off way better than Drake, taking in the awkward, waddle like walk that Tim had to use in order to get around in the uncomfortable costume.

Letting out a scoff, he uncomfortably adjusted the lion's mane atop of his head and scowled irritably, small fists clenching at his side. In a tone that could cut through steel, Damian spat out, "I would like to get this entire night over and done with, Drake, so if you'll excuse me, I shall be waiting downstairs." He pushed harshly against Tim's shoulder, and Tim held up his hands in a show of peace, backing away to let Damian all but stomp out of the doorway. He held in a smirk at his younger brother's disgruntled, and admittedly adorable face, reminding himself to get a picture of him later for blackmail purposes.

* * *

"Here's your bag, Jay!" Dick said with a smile, holding the Dorothy-designed pillow case out to his brother. Jason just stared at it in dismay, making no move to grab it. Dick shrugged and threw it at him, not watching to see if he'd caught it, since there was no way that either of them would miss. He then held out another bag to Tim, this one with a Tin Man design on it, and Dick beamed as his brother took it without only a slight, uncomfortable frown.

Dick grabbed another bag with a picture of the lion on it, and he tilted his head and looked at his younger brothers, asking, "hey, where's Dami?"

"Like I keep track of the demon brat," Jason responded with a carefree shrug, dropping his candy bag onto the table beside him. He glared at it with absolute hate, trying hard not to think of how similar he looked to the young, dark-haired girl on the front of it. It didn't work out well, and Jason let out something akin to a silent sob/whine, sinking into the chair closest to him.

"He told me he would be waiting for us down here," Tim supplied with a shrug, not looking in the least bit concerned.

"Well now that the spawn isn't here, I guess we can't go!" Jason cheered, already struggling to pull his dress over his head. He let out a grunt as it got stuck over his face, clouding his vision in blue, and Jason desperately started pulling at it harder.

"Titus had to- What in the world is the imbecile doing?"

"Oh, is that Damian? Dammit," Jason cursed, his voice muffled under the cloth of his dress. With a manly whine, he pulled it back down over his body, straightening the dress out halfheartedly. He looked up a second later, being met with the glaring scowl of Damian, and the amused glances of Tim and Dick.

"Screw all of you. I hate this family."

"We love yo-"

"We hate you even more, Todd," Damian hissed out before Dick could finish his statement, and Jason laughed sarcastically at him, moving forward to wrap an arm around the youngest's shoulder.

"Oh, demon spawn," Jason slowly started off with a sweet tone, a murderous glint entering his blue eyes, "that's just simply not possible. If anyone ever brings up this- this monstrosity of a costume, not even daddy will be be able to find your remains."

"That's a hollow threat, if I ever heard one!" Dick said, laughing at the look on his brother's face.

"Yea, wanna bet on that?" Jason glared at him, and sent a sharp knife hurtling to the pretty boy's face.

Dick cartwheeled out of the way, laughing, but then immediately fell to the floor with wide eyes as a resounding crash sounded from behind him. Jason blinked at him before exchanging a slightly panicked look with his brother, his hand moving to cover his mouth.

"..."

"..."

"So we should probably go now!"

"Yup! WE'RE LEAVING, BRUCE!" Dick yelled, not caring if he was heard or not before the Scarecrow-clad male hurried out the door.

"But, Grayson-"

"No buts, kid! Get your ass out there!" Jason basically manhandled the small lion as he pushed the kid forward, and then immediately retracted his hand in order to keep the limb intact. Tim followed behind them, and they managed to get out of the door without consequence and escape Alfred's wrath over the priceless heirloom (for now).

The sun was already setting in the distance, the sky beginning to change into a variety of colors. Instead of baby blue, the vast expanse above them exploded into an array of warm colors. Reds, oranges, yellows, and pinks blended scene that unfolded before them. It wasn't long before the colors darkened into dark violets and blues before it became black with white specks dotting the sky.

Dick led the charge of brothers down the dark, long winding driveway that led to the secluded Wayne Manor. His bag swung back and forth by his side, completely invading Jason's personal space whenever his hand swung back too far. Jason himself was growing irritated, shifting uncomfortably due to the blue plaid dress itching in all of the wrong places. His sparkly red heels shone under the light of the silver crescent floating gently among the endless black, barely making a sound on the pavement below. Tim walked in step beside his older brother, shifting uncomfortably in the large, tin-man suit that he wore. Damian trudged after them with an unhappy scowl, black painted lines being pulled downwards and making what would otherwise be an adorable lion costume look more menacing than it truly was.

"These heels fucking suck, this wig is itchy as hell, and don't you even get me started on this dress!" Jason complained irritably to no one in particular, arms crossed over his chest as he sulked.

"But you're such a pretty girl, Jay-bird!" Dick cooed, craning his neck to look back at his brother. As soon as his deep blue eyes landed on his brother's form, a snicker escaped his lips, gradually starting to grow louder and more frequent before he had to cover his mouth with his hand to muffle it. "Hahahaha- ow! Wha- Did you throw a rock at me? You did!" Letting out something between a huff and a snort, Jason simply wiped the specks of dirt that he had received from the rock off onto the side of his dress.

"Dick, where are we going?"

"We're almost there, Tim! Just a bit further!"

"Uh-huh," Tim said slowly, blue eyes looking out at the vast expanse of nothingness before them. "Dick, seriously, where are we going Why didn't we just take a car?"

"Roy should be waiting just ahead," Dick responded with a grin, dilated pupils attempting to pierce through the darkness ahead of him to find any shadow or sign of the ginger.

"Roy? We're going trick-or-treating with Roy? Is that really a good idea, after what happened last time?"

"Last year was so not our fault! That guy shouldn't have drove into our eggs, and then maybe he wouldn't have swerved into that ditch! Besides, how should we have known that he was on the board of directors?! It's not like we memorize all the cars that they drive!" Jason protested, making a face.

"You could see his face!"

"It was dark!"

"His light was on!"

"I see Roy!" Dick interrupted their argument, sporting a green as he waved to a silver camaro that sat just a feet away from them. As the brothers approached the vehicle, the window rolled down, and their red-headed friend looked at them with a smirk.

"So the babies have come out to play?" Roy took in their costumes and let out a snicker, whistling when his blue eyes landed on Jason's form. "Any chance I can get your number?" He fell into a small fit of snickers, falling back to rest against the seat. Dick let out a chuckle, but immediately stopped when a pair of glaring blue eyes bore into his own. Jason flipped him off, pushing passed Dick to get into the passenger seat.

Dick let a slightly depressed sigh, but didn't protest against it, opting to climb into the back of the car without conflict. Damian and Tim reluctantly piled in behind him, Damian sitting in the middle between Dick and Tim. The car itself only sat two people in the back, and Damian's small stature allowed Tim to be able to comfortably lean against the door of the car. But Dick took up a lot of space, slightly squishing Damian's side, much to his aggravation.

"Grayson, you take up as much space as an elephant," Damian snarled, roughly jabbing at Dick in a poor attempt to get him to move over.

"I'll happily take that as a compliment!" Dick beamed, not even budging from his littlest brother's effort.

"You really shouldn't," Tim muttered, basically sulking as he stared out of the tinted window, watching the colorful blurs of their surroundings blow past at a speed that had to be illegal. Which Tim would later find out was indeed illegal, considering they were going twenty miles above the speed limit.

As they reached the city limits, Roy was forced to slow down as to not crash into anyone, but he was still speeding, weaving in and out of traffic like there was no tomorrow.

"Slow down, Roy! You're gonna hit something!" Dick yelled, eyebrows creasing with slight worry as he gazed out at their flashing surroundings.

"The only thing that I'm gonna hit is a hot chick!" Roy yelled back, narrowly avoiding hitting a school-bus full of children and not stopping to wonder why their was one there in the first place on a Saturday night.

"That isn't funny, Roy!" Jason snapped, and anyone who wasn't a bat would completely miss the slight, amused twitch of his lip. After more yelling and and screaming at the ginger to slow down, the car finally started to slow down at a much more reasonable pace.

Tim let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding, face pale as he fell back onto the seat with sweat adorning his forehead. A few minutes passed and he managed to calm his fast-beating heart, grateful that they somehow managed to avoid an accident.

The car ride was silent as they drove, and it was throughout the calm mist that Jason noticed something. He squinted his eyes slightly through the darkness of the night, dilated pupils attempting to read off the license plate of the car that had managed to catch his eye. The numbers glinted back at him through the light of Roy's headlights, and Jason felt his eyes widen a fraction of an inch in surprise.

"Roy, we're driving next to a drug lord," Jason said casually, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he tilted his head to look at his friend.

Roy took his eyes off of the road to gaze at the car in the other lane, driving slightly ahead of their own vehicle. It was a dark gray Toyota Prius, and he narrowed his eyes at the car.

"We're gonna get him," Roy said with a determined tone, nodding his head as if to officially confirm his words.

"Of course," Jason grinned, expression not unlike that of mad man's, and gave his seatbelt a tug in a show of making sure that it was secure.

Roy grinned back, not giving any of the other occupants of the car any time to protest before he swerved out their line, sharply cutting into the one behind their target and ignoring the angered honks that followed. The silver Camaro sped up, tailgating the Prius, and causing the drug lord in front of them to speed up. It didn't take long for the driver to realize that something was wrong, and Jason noticed a man in the passenger seat look at him through the rear-view mirror. Jason flashed the man a smirk, flashing him a peace sign, and the guy looked back with a strange look on his face. The whole scene probably looked strange, considering that Jason was dressed in his Dorothy outfit, and he snickered.

Roy almost crashed into their bumper, and the Prius swerved out of the lane and started speeding in an attempt to lose them. Their car sped up to follow after, and it wasn't long before they were involved in a high-speed pursuit.

"Oh my god, this isn't happening," Tim groaned aloud, feeling nothing but annoyance and mild irritation. "I want out. Seriously, I'll walk home."

"It's too late, baby bird! We can't stop now!" Jason said unapologetically, shrugging his shoulders at his younger brother in a 'what can you do' gesture.

"But you can stop!" Tim insisted with an unhappy frown. "You just don't want to! It wouldn't take much to catch up to him again!"

"Timmy, we can't just leave you in the middle of Gotham, unprotected! What would Bruce say about that?"

"Since when have you cared about what Bruce thinks?! I'll be fine on my own!"

"Let us bond!"

"This wouldn't exactly be my idea of bonding," Dick inputted with a slight frown. "I would much rather be trick-or-treating."

"This is more fun!" Roy promised, and with that, he swerved into the side of the very car that they were chasing down. Roy locked gazes with the bulky male sitting in the passenger seat, and he gave the ginger an ugly sneer. The window of the Prius was rolled down, and he started shooting at them with what he revealed to be a gun.

"Ah, shit! They have guns! Of friggin course they do. Why wouldn't they have guns?" Roy questioned dryly, ducking slightly and swerving out of the way to avoid the bullets.

"Todd, give me one of your twin pistols," Damian hissed at his brother with a glare, and Jason gave him a look.

"Fuck that! I have two hands for my two guns! And Tim's in your line of fire!" Jason snapped, pulling his guns out and attempting to find a good angle that wouldn't blow out Roy's brains.

"-tt-" Damian scoffed with distaste, sneering. "Drake is an acceptable casualty. You are next to our driver, and while I do not care if anything happens to Harper, you cannot shoot lest you would like us to become a simple memory, with nothing but twisted metal to tell the story of our fate."

"Can you even shoot? I'd be surprised if daddy-dearest let you lay one precious finger on a gun."

"Don't be an imbecile! If I was otherwise unable, I would not request for your blasted weapon in the first place!"

"Jay-" Dick started to say with a disapproving frown, already assuming that Jason wouldn't hand over the gun, but wanting to make certain anyway.

"Forget it," Damian snapped, unbuckling his seatbelt and rising from his seat. "I do not require your crude weapon! I shall handle this myself. Drake, remove yourself. You are in my way!"

"What? How am I in the way? You're not going out there!"

"It isn't like you could stop me," Damian retorted, shoving his small form over Tim's lap in an attempt to get over him and his bulky costume.

"Tim is fully able," Dick said, stretching out his seatbelt and moving to grab the snarling lion. He stretched out his seatbelt and reached over, taking him by his waist and and settling him back down into the seat that he had occupied before.

"Dami, you aren't going out there," Dick said, stretching the seatbelt around the ten-year old's waist, all the while ignoring his protests. "It isn't safe."

"Grayson, I can take those imbeciles down easily!" Damian hissed, crossing his arms across his chest and turning his brown-painted nose up at his oldest brother.

"Let the kid do it! I, for one, would enjoy seeing the looks on their faces when they realize they're being attacked by a ten-year old kitty!"

"Don't encourage him, Jason!"

"I knew I should have just stayed home…" Tim mumbled into his hands, wanting nothing more than to be working back at the Manor with a warm cup of coffee in hand. The stream of honking horns, the constant swerving of their vehicle, and loud series of gunshots were enough to give his sleep deprived mind a massive headache.

* * *

 **This was gonna be a cute little one-shot where the lovely Batboys all went trick-or-treating, and general cuteness and fluff. This... it turned into something so different than I had in** **mind when this first started. I don't know how that happened xD But I think it's kind of OOC and cracky, and it's hilarious to** **my sleep-deprived self how different it turned out than what I wanted xD**

 **This turned into a two-shot because it's already 3600+ words, and I should probably post this when it's finished, but I'** **m an idiot that doesn't think ahead. :D The second part will be posted as soon as I get around to finishing it!**

 **Now go read KodiakWolfe13's fantastically, beauteously wonderful story called** **Monster Island! You don't need to be into either Danny Phanto** **m or Godzilla to understand it, cause it's an AU that's pretty self-explanatory! GO READ IT! I DARE YOU! (Now you have to do it cause I dared you!) I think that's all! Hope you enjoyed this weird series of words! And you should review, because you should, and I love you guys, so I'll reply to you and give you a special treat! (Hehe, bribery~ What a wonderful thing!)**


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